i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
