i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize
