After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Randomize
