mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
