grandma shit on top of the toilet
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
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