just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
