You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
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