i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Don't EVER smell your tampon
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Randomize