i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
