babies were throwing up all over the place
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
The air taste purple.
Randomize
