yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Randomize