I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
