why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
