Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
