Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
i need some magic done to my vagina
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
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