I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
The dick lei will go down in squad history
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
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