everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
