You really coming over, don't trick.
Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
