he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Randomize
