Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
You took a bar mat shot.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
