That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
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