hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
So much Jack, so little girl.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Randomize
