Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
wow bdsm is so cute
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
