Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Randomize
