Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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