Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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