my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Randomize
