its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
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