I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
