He disabled his match.com account in front of me
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Randomize
