literally had 100 drinks last night.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize