totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
