I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
