Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
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