Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Randomize
