I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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