just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Randomize