8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
