Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
