Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
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