My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize
