i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Randomize
