I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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