Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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