I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
