That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
