I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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