She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
