3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
