at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
