I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
