Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Randomize
