Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Randomize
