question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
