dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
