If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Someone came in the potted fern
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
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