You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
