I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
