FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
