i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
