O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
