well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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