i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
