Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
