Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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