Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
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