He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Randomize
