just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
