I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize