I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
