Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Randomize
