apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Randomize
