Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Randomize
