My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
