the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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