i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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