go do what you do best...puke behind churches
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
