Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
