didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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