My first STD was from a foam party
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
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