I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
