i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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