YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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