He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
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