This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
