Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Randomize
