barbara walters just said penis...
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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