Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
