Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
