my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
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