I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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