That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
