His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize