Don't make out with my wife yet
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I need to calm my uterus...
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
