I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
