Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
