Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Randomize
