captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Randomize
