Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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