Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
