don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize
