Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
