GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Randomize
