Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize
