Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
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