we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
