i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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