He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
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