Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
i think i have herpe
just one?
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
as a side note pls kill me
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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