I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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