very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
