i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Randomize