Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
so much tequila, so little girl.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
