I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
