My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
