shes about as inviting as chlamydia
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Randomize
