In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
