I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize
